My Letter

Still no word from the psychiatrist. I even called his office today to see if he had filed the evaluation. They transferred me to his voice mail, but he never called back. I'm feeling so frustrated because it seems like we're wasting so much time. I really want this surgery to happen this summer.

In the meantime, I've written the letter the bariatric office asks all surgery candidates to write about why they want to lose weight.

Dear Palmetto Bariatric:

I imagine you have a lot of these letters, and I would guess that many of us say the same things.  But here’s my story.

I don’t ever remember being anything but overweight – not ever. Even when I played sports, ran daily and lifted weights, I was still overweight. I can’t think of a single memory where I was completely comfortable in my own skin. Even though I was confident and proud of most areas in my life, I was always self conscious of my physical appearance.

As an adolescent, every night I would pray that I would wake up and have a different body. I would dream that I was just wearing a fat suit and someone would tell me how to unzip it and step out of this body that never felt like mine. 

As I got older, I would lose some weight, then gain some weight, then lose some weight. Every time I lost, I would promise myself not to gain it again, but eventually I always did. Although I was successful in almost every other area of my life, I always felt like a failure because I couldn’t overcome my own body. 

I learned to deal with it and was able to find joy in the other areas of my life. And for most of my life, I was healthy in spite of my weight. But as I got older, the weight caught up with me and I developed diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea and other associated issues. I’m always tired, I can’t wear cute clothes and I can’t keep up with my family and friends.

I would probably just continue on this path if it weren’t for my children. My daughter is 6 and my son is 4. When my son graduates from high school, I will be 60.  I am afraid if I don’t lose weight, I will not see him graduate from high school. I will not be at my daughter’s wedding. If I manage to survive to see those events, I will probably be pushed in a wheelchair by my husband. That is not the life I want to lead. That is not the legacy I want to leave my family. I do not want to become a burden to my family.

I want to live – and not just live, but live well. I want to run and play with my children. I want to keep up with my husband. I want to feel pretty. 

That pretty much sums it up.

Sincerely,

Kristin Batchelor