I Want My Mommy

I found out night before last that my mom is going to come help out during my surgery. I wasn't sure I wanted her to come because flights are expensive (I wish my flight benefits still included her), she is 70 years old, and she and my dad have their own health issues. But I am so relieved she is coming. Just having her here is really comforting. And there is no one I'd rather have my kids be with while I'm in the hospital. They won't miss me much with her here. I'm so grateful for the many sacrifices my mom has made for me. This is just one of a million.

Pre-Op Visit

On Thursday, I had my post-operative doctor's appointment. David came with me. They had suggested that I bring a support person with me so that they have a better understanding of everything I needed to do in the days before and after surgery. I was glad David got to meet my doctor and some of the support staff so he could see how supportive and friendly they are.

I had a list of questions for them. I'll share them here.

1. Can I take any of the following medications
Aleve? No
Tums? Yes, calcium is good
Excedrine Migraine? Never Again (oh, dear)

2. Are the vitamins I'm currently taking (CVS brand) sufficient for what I'll need after surgery?
Yes, but I have to stop taking them until after the surgery. Instead I needed to start taking B12 (under the tongue liquid version) and B1 (which was much harder to find than I anticipated). After surgery, I need to take chewable vitamins for awhile.

3. What about my prescription medication?
Take as normal until the night before surgery. That night, don't take blood sugar medication. I shouldn't ever have to take it again! Only take thyroid medication the morning of surgery -  nothing else. My dosages will be adjusted as I loose weight.

4. Does Medicaid cover post-surgery counseling?
Yes as long as I find a therapist that accepts it. (My brother Clark, who has a masters degree in family counseling recommended I get some counseling to increase my chances of success.)

5. When can I go swimming? Shower?
Wait at least six weeks to swim, but I can shower anytime (provided the surgery is able to be completed laproscopically).

6. When can I travel? Can I go to my family reunion the week after surgery?
No family reunion. Biggest fear is blood clots and there is also concern over post-op check ups and diet progression.

7. When will I know if I can get rid of my CPAP?
I need to bring it with me to the hospital and will probably continue to need it until I've lost 100 pounds.

8. Does Medicaid cover 100% of the surgical costs?
Yes  

9. I have heard about a bariatric surgery called duodenal switch. Does my doctor do this?
No one in South Carolina performs this surgery.

10. Will I be able to go up and down stairs right away? What will my mobility be like?
I will be up and walking right away. I can do stairs, but not frequently. I will need to walk a little bit every day. The distance will depend on how I'm feeling.

11. How long will be my recovery time?
It really varies depending on each individual. Some people feel really good right away and others take much longer. I should be feeling pretty much normal by the third week. It will depend a great deal on how I tolerate nutrition, particularly protein, and if I'm able to avoid dehydration.

I won't be able to drive for a week. I can drive after that if I'm not on pain medication anymore.

After surgery, I will be on strictly liquids, but I need to be sure an get some protein every two hours or so. This will come primarily from protein drinks. I can also eat sugar free jello if I'm able to keep it down.

I've been doing really well on my low-carb (20 mg) diet that I started on Monday. Surprisingly enough, I haven't been hungry (I really believe this is a blessing from God). I've even lost 9 pounds since starting it. Today was my first lapse. I was making cookies for the second time in three days (for events, not by choice) and I ate a piece of dough. In and of itself, this is actually a success since I usually eat much more dough and a couple of cookies. However, I was dismayed to learn that there are 26 carbs in that ball of dough!

One negative side effect is that my skin has really broken out. I've never had much trouble with my skin, but I have zits all over my face right now. It's driving me crazy!

We're into the final countdown - one week to go!

Sibling Support

Through this whole thing, one of the things for which I'm most grateful is the support of my family. When I told my mom, she cried because she was happy I was doing it. I know some people don't have this kind of support when they opt for weight-loss surgery.

Initially I wasn't going to tell any of them except my sister about my surgery until after it was finished because I just wanted to do it without any commentary, but my sister convinced me to tell my mom and then my mom convinced me to tell my brothers. I was so grateful for all of their support and encouragement. I'm glad I told them because I know they'll all be praying for me.

Throughout my life, my family has always shown me unconditional love. I have never felt that any of my siblings were embarrassed to be seen with me, despite my weight. That has been really important to me.

Some families share a weight problem. Not mine. Check out my siblings.

My brothers all run triathlons. My brother Clark started it off and has been a bit crazy about running tris for several years. He is incredibly fit and at almost 45 has an incredible body. My brother Erik is skinnier now than when he was in high school. My brother Scott seems to be able to run tris without even training for them. All three of them are in incredible shape.

My sister Tiffani might struggle with her weight if she weren't such an avid runner. She's run Ragnar and a half marathon. She's the kind of person that even runs when she's on vacation - in Hawaii! She runs in 100 degree weather in Las Vegas for Pete's sake.

Sometimes I find it unbelievable that I share genetics with these people. Even after I lose weight, I can't imagine wanting to run a tri or a half marathon. MAYBE I'll do a 5K.

Feast Before Famine

On Monday, I have to start a very strict Atkins diet: protein and veggies, very little carbs. I'll be on that diet until the day I have my surgery. This is to shrink my liver so my doctor has an easier time accessing my stomach and intestines.

So essentially, come Monday, my diet will be changed forever - for the rest of my life. Consequently, wise or not, I'm trying to eat some of my favorite things between now and then.

I made homemade Mrs. Field's cookies last night. (I love the dough!)

Tomorrow David is going camping, so I'm going to take Baylie out to a Mexican restaurant. I think giving up Mexican food will be one of the hardest things for me. I've had some time to get used to it since Columbia doesn't really have good Mexican food. (Having lived 2 1/2 years in Mexico, I am a great lover of good Mexican food.)

My seminary class gave me a gift card to Olive Garden, so on Saturday, David and I are going out to eat to celebrate our anniversary and use the gift card. Usually we make a gift card last over multiple meals (i.e. just get soup, salad and bread sticks), but because of the circumstance, we need to blow it all on one meal. We'll be ordering appetizers, entrees, dessert and drinks.

Tonight I'm having my all time favorite food (and Baylie's) - popcorn! I hope that I'll still be able to eat a little popcorn after I'm all healed, but maybe not. And even if I can, it won't be for quite a while.

Things I'm Excited About

Skinny people - or people in general who are not obese - take a lot of things for granted. They have no idea what it is like to go through life as an obese person. Few things irritate me more than listening to a person with a perfectly healthy weight and body type complain about their weight and/or body.

Here are some things that I am looking forward to experiencing with a normal-sized body.

• Hugging my husband without my belly getting in the way (same for slow dancing).
• Sleeping without a CPap.
• Sliding into a booth at a restaurant without worrying that I won't fit.
• Buckling my seat belt on an airplane without having to ask for an extension.
• Lowering the tray table on said airplane.
• Picking something off the floor while buckled into the seat belt on a plane or in the car.
• Being carried by my husband.
• Fitting into an assigned seat at a theater or stadium.
• Holding my laptop on my lap.
• Holding my kids on my lap.
• Trying on clothes.
• Crossing my legs.
• Holding my hands in my lap instead of my arms crossed over my belly.
• Helping my kids ride their bikes.
• Wearing a cute bra.
• Feeling comfortable in a swimming suit (is that even possible?).
• Going out with the women in my family and not feeling like the ugly duckling.
• Not being tired all the time.
• Riding all the rides at Disneyland (except Magic Mountain, it makes me nauseous).
• Being a better example for my daughter.

Here are some things I'm worried about (not necessarily in this order).

• Losing my hair.
• Dying during surgery (I'm terrified of not waking up from anesthesia).
• Being awake during surgery, but not able to let the doctors know I can feel everything.
• Looking older and wizened (more wrinkles).
• Excessive saggy skin.
• Looking in the mirror and not recognizing myself.
• Being thirsty. (I drink a lot of water and that will have to stop.)
• Insomnia (some people suffer from this after the surgery).
• Not losing weight despite the surgery.
• Gaining the weight back.

I'm sure I'll come back and add to these lists from time to time.

I Have a Date!

It's only been two weeks since I submitted my paperwork to Medicaid. I expected to wait at least two more weeks. But - today I got THE CALL! I am scheduled for surgery on

July 7

I am so relieved to be approved and so nervous about actually going through with this. I'm trying to grieve for food now. So many of our family traditions are tied around food. I love to bake. I know that none of these things are more important than good health and being there for my kids, but I want to be realistic with what I'm facing. I eat lots of fruit and other carbs (bread!), I don't like many vegetables and we can't afford protein. That's going to have to change because once I can eat something besides liquids, it will have to be primarily protein and veggies. I'm meal planning now so I won't have to think about it later.

I have my pre-op doctor's appointment next Thursday and I'll be given more information about what to expect. I'm naively hopeful that I'll be able to travel to our family reunion the following week, but I know that's not likely.

I know there is a long road ahead of me, but I am so excited at the prospect of being healthier, looking better, having more energy and living longer.

Papers are Submitted!

I never heard back from the psychiatrist so I called the bariatric office again today. While one lady was on the phone with me and searching for the information, someone else overheard her and said the paperwork had been submitted yesterday. Hooray! I am not very good at hounding people for information, but in this case, I'm so glad I did. I've had to stay on top of things throughout this process, which I think has helped me stay focused and realize this is something I really want.

So now it's another 4-6 week wait. I should hear something between July 2nd and 16th. This is going to be a VERY long month.

My Letter

Still no word from the psychiatrist. I even called his office today to see if he had filed the evaluation. They transferred me to his voice mail, but he never called back. I'm feeling so frustrated because it seems like we're wasting so much time. I really want this surgery to happen this summer.

In the meantime, I've written the letter the bariatric office asks all surgery candidates to write about why they want to lose weight.

Dear Palmetto Bariatric:

I imagine you have a lot of these letters, and I would guess that many of us say the same things.  But here’s my story.

I don’t ever remember being anything but overweight – not ever. Even when I played sports, ran daily and lifted weights, I was still overweight. I can’t think of a single memory where I was completely comfortable in my own skin. Even though I was confident and proud of most areas in my life, I was always self conscious of my physical appearance.

As an adolescent, every night I would pray that I would wake up and have a different body. I would dream that I was just wearing a fat suit and someone would tell me how to unzip it and step out of this body that never felt like mine. 

As I got older, I would lose some weight, then gain some weight, then lose some weight. Every time I lost, I would promise myself not to gain it again, but eventually I always did. Although I was successful in almost every other area of my life, I always felt like a failure because I couldn’t overcome my own body. 

I learned to deal with it and was able to find joy in the other areas of my life. And for most of my life, I was healthy in spite of my weight. But as I got older, the weight caught up with me and I developed diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea and other associated issues. I’m always tired, I can’t wear cute clothes and I can’t keep up with my family and friends.

I would probably just continue on this path if it weren’t for my children. My daughter is 6 and my son is 4. When my son graduates from high school, I will be 60.  I am afraid if I don’t lose weight, I will not see him graduate from high school. I will not be at my daughter’s wedding. If I manage to survive to see those events, I will probably be pushed in a wheelchair by my husband. That is not the life I want to lead. That is not the legacy I want to leave my family. I do not want to become a burden to my family.

I want to live – and not just live, but live well. I want to run and play with my children. I want to keep up with my husband. I want to feel pretty. 

That pretty much sums it up.

Sincerely,

Kristin Batchelor