One Year Bariatric Visit

I'm going to be out of town on the anniversary of my surgery so I had my annual follow-up today. At the appointment, they took my photo and measured my waist. Then they gave me the picture and the one they took of me at my first bariatric appointment. I was most surprised at the change in my waistline. It's 34 cm. smaller. That's just over 13 inches - over a foot - off my waist! That's hard to even wrap my mind around.

I was disappointed because my blood pressure was 122/84, which is slightly higher than normal (less than 120/80). I was hoping it would be closer to where it was at my last two doctor's appointments so we could try and take me off the blood pressure medicine. Oh well.

My vitamin D and Magnesium are in the normal range, but just barely. I'll probably have to keep taking pills for those the rest of my life. The rest of my labs were all normal.

I finally got fed up with my thin hair and decided to wack it all off. It didn't turn out exactly like I hoped, but I think after it grows out just a little it will be great. It does feel good to have it all short and ready to start over. I hope it grows in healthier.

11 Months!

I can't believe I am almost to the one-year mark. In some ways it seems like I just had surgery, but in others my life has changed so drastically that it seems it was years ago. I think the biggest benefit of the surgery is that I am finally comfortable in my own skin. I have no illusions about how I look. I still weigh over 200 pounds and I will always have saggy skin, but for the first time in my life, I am happy with my physical appearance. I even wear a swimsuit without worrying about it. This is life altering for me in a way that is impossible to convey. As a child, I used to pray over and over that I would wake up and find that I had been living in a dream and that I was really thin. I would hope that I would find that my body was a fat suit that I could unzip and take off. In a way, I feel like that is what has happened this year. I have stepped out of my fat suit.

I often ask David to show me people who look like I looked or I try to compare myself to people that we see. David doesn't notice weight, so he has a hard time doing this. Yesterday, David and I were at a park and he pointed to a woman sitting on a nearby bench. He told me that he thought she was about the size I was before surgery. I was shocked. I wanted to cry - first for that poor woman who was trapped in that body and secondly because I couldn't bear to think of myself that way. I am so grateful for this new life I have been given.

The dress in my picture this month isn't very fitted and doesn't show my weight loss, until you compare it to it used to look like on me. The thing that surprised me the most is how long the dress is now. It's actually too big, so I don't know if I should wear it anymore.

Heaviest weight: 296.5

Surgery weight: 274.5

Today's weight: 206.6 

(I've been down as low as 205.4)
Total pounds lost: 89.9 lbs.

Starting BMI: 49

Today's BMI: 34.4

My only downsides are my continued hair loss and the fact that I think my face looks older. I have always had thick, beautiful hair and it is so thin now. Not just the fact that there's not much of it, but I also feel like the actual strands of hair aren't as thick and full as they used to be. It's okay. I'll take the trade off. On the plus side, my hair hasn't been this curly since I was a little girl. In the below picture, all I did was add some gel and run my fingers through it. The curls are 100% natural. I don't love the front of my hair though, so I think I'm going to cut it super short.

Highlights of the past month have been impressing the first graders with my jump roping skills and stick dancing at the Relief Society luau. I wouldn't have been able to do either a year ago. I even did a few cartwheels this month! I'm still hoping to be under 200 pounds by my one-year anniversary and I'll be running the 5K a couple of days before then. So here's hoping for a great month!

One challenge I worry about is my sweet Baylie. She is really worried about her weight. She worries that one day she will need my surgery. I don't know how to help her with this. Because I grew up so focused on my body, we have tried very hard not to do that with our kids, but we live in a body-focused society and she hears it somewhere. We're trying to focus on eating healthy and getting exercise and teaching our children that all people are built differently and our body shape doesn't matter. She still worries that her belly is too big and she even cries about it sometimes. I don't know how to undo that.

Still Got Milk?

About six months ago, I posted about the trouble I have with milk ever since surgery. Today David made me a protein shake. Within five minutes, I felt like I was completely wiped out and needed to lay down. I commented to David that it felt like my shake had been made with milk instead of almond milk. He realized that he forgot and had made it that way. I was shocked to find that my body still reacted the same way and that even though I had no idea he had used milk, the effect was definitely the same - although not quite as drastic. It's so weird because I have no trouble at all with other dairy products.

I think I'll go take a nap!

5K Realities

My 5K training is NOT going well. Last week I decided to run and just see how long I could go without having to walk. I made it 15 minutes before I ran out of gas and before my hip pain got unbearable. After that, I walked for 5, ran for 5, etc. until I completed 30 minutes.

I'm not worried about finishing the 5K, but there is no way I'm going to be able to run the whole thing. I'm disappointed, but realize that walking it is still better than what I could have done a year ago. After running, it kills my hip to even walk for a couple of days, so I am no longer trying to train by running. I'm just sticking to swimming. Once this 5K is completed, I don't care if I ever run again.

I paid my entry fee so I wouldn't be able to back out. Heaven help me!

Latest Doctor's Appointments

I had two doctor's appointments this week. On Wednesday, I saw my family practitioner and on Friday, the cardiologist.

While at the family practitioner's, I was sitting in the hallway and my doctor walked by. He didn't recognize me. He smiled and was friendly, but it was obvious it didn't register for him who I was. He came back a minute later and told me as much. My weight loss plus my change in hair color caused the confusion.

The visit went very well. My blood pressure was only 118/73, which is normal. I'm not sure when the last time was that I had a normal blood pressure. I'm hopeful that soon I can go off blood pressure medicine.

My Estimated Average Glucose was 111 (5.5%). This number continues to decrease and is considered normal. I also learned that when my thyroid was tested in February, it was only .5, which is a little low. They tested me again and may need to decrease my prescription, which would be cool.

The cardiologist visit was also good. I didn't note the numbers and they aren't available in the system, but I know my blood pressure was 108/something. My pulse and EKG were lower than normal, but since I don't have trouble feeling light headed and my energy levels are good, it isn't a concern. Never in my life have I had an EKG that didn't show up abnormal and have to be followed up with an echocardiogram. I don't have to go back to the cardiologist again.

My health continues to improve and it is remarkable to me.

Today I was at a recital and ran into one of David's classmates that has been a guest in our home several times. I greeted him warmly, but he didn't recognize me. It was awkward and embarrassing, but also kind of amazing. Once he figured out who I was, things were back to normal.

Happy Mother's Day!

My kids are the reason I had this surgery in the first place. I'm so happy to celebrate this day with them.

WEIGH IN!!

Today, after a month of not weighing myself, I finally did an official weigh in. I have lost 4.4 pounds! This is fantastic because I was terrified that I would have gained 10 or something horrible like that. I knew my clothes were still loose, so I was hoping that I would have lost. I still wish it were faster, but I'm grateful for any loss. It became almost as stressful to wait a month to weigh in, so I don't want to do that again, but I also think weighing every day becomes stressful and discouraging. I think I'll just start weighing whenever I want and at least once a week.

Today marks 10 months since my surgery. I really hope to have lost 100 pounds by the year mark, but it may not happen. I recently had a birthday and it was amazing to think of the difference between how I feel now and how I felt last year.

 Heaviest weight: 296.5

Surgery weight: 274.5

Today's weight: 207.8
Total pounds lost: 88.7 lbs.

Starting BMI: 49

Today's BMI: 34.6

Back when I was preparing for the surgery, I made a list of things I was excited about doing once I had lost some weight. (you can read that post HERE). I thought it would be interesting to go back and look at that list and see how many of those things I have been able to do.

• Hugging my husband without my belly getting in the way (same for slow dancing) - CHECK!
• Sleeping without a CPap - CHECK!
• Sliding into a booth at a restaurant without worrying that I won't fit - CHECK!
• Buckling my seat belt on an airplane without having to ask for an extension - CHECK!
• Lowering the tray table on said airplane - CHECK!
• Picking something off the floor while buckled into the seat belt on a plane or in the car - CHECK!
• Being carried by my husband - CHECK! (well, sort of)
• Fitting into an assigned seat at a theater or stadium - CHECK!
• Holding my laptop on my lap - CHECK!
• Holding my kids on my lap - CHECK!
• Trying on clothes - CHECK!
• Crossing my legs - CHECK!
• Holding my hands in my lap instead of my arms crossed over my belly - CHECK!
• Helping my kids ride their bikes - haven't tried this one
• Wearing a cute bra - CHECK!
• Feeling comfortable in a swimming suit (is that even possible?) - CHECK!
• Going out with the women in my family and not feeling like the ugly duckling - undecided
• Not being tired all the time - I'm still tired pretty much all the time
• Riding all the rides at Disneyland (except Magic Mountain, it makes me nauseous) - pending
• Being a better example for my daughter - in progress

I am seriously shocked at how many of these have been accomplished.

At the same time I posted the above list, I also listed some things I was worried about.

• Losing my hair - I'm not a big fan of my hair these days, but I'll take the trade.
• Dying during surgery (I'm terrified of not waking up from anesthesia) - I survived.
• Being awake during surgery, but not able to let the doctors know I can feel everything - I didn't wake up.
• Looking older and wizened (more wrinkles) - My neck is pretty wrinkly, but I think the rest of me looks younger.
• Excessive saggy skin - I have it. Especially my arms, inner thighs and stomach, but again, I'll take the trade off.
• Looking in the mirror and not recognizing myself - I did go through that for a time, but I'm used to my new face.
• Being thirsty. (I drink a lot of water and that will have to stop.) - I'm much less thirsty. Apparently my excessive thirst was a sign of high blood sugar.
• Insomnia (some people suffer from this after the surgery) - I don't have insomnia, but it is a lot harder for me to fall asleep than it was before. A LOT HARDER.
• Not losing weight despite the surgery - 88 pounds and counting!
• Gaining the weight back - I will have to stay aware and fight hard to prevent myself from slipping back.

I feel like a winner!